Finally it comes, my most favorite day of the year : Nyepi. It will be the new year of 1930 – Saka Year. The year of 2008 and now Nyepi – both giving me a new chapter of my life.. and I’m grateful to be given such a chance. It’s not that I’ve wasted many things in life, but I tend to let myself carried away in situations which made me feeling numb, became suspicious or worried for things in a way I’ve never imagine before. There was a time when I feel so lack of love so that I begin to question myself although I know it is the last thing I would do if I’m fully ‘awake’.
But each person needs their own time to finally understand how life works for them. I need my own time to realize that I must believe my inner voices. When things didn’t seem alright, maybe it is not alright. But for the sake of ‘love’, we tend to keep our eyes shut and let our ‘memories’ lead the way. But memories are old, it’s not today, it’s not here and now. It’s already passed, however sweet or even unpleasant.
I’m grateful for everybody who ever came into my life, because each is a messenger to me. Whatever experience I had or will have with them, I believe it’s a chance to learn my lessons in life, my own subjective world. Things, people, experiences, thoughts, they’re come and go. Sometimes we will be forced to move on, by the time we really want to stay- only because we become so attached to it and too worried to let go. And if we have enough courage, bravery, guts, insight.. whatever you call it, there’ll be time to DECIDE. My sister told me that once we decide, all the rest is taken care of. Now I can see.
People might think or say anything they want about our life, or even how we live our life. People might support, put distance or even condemn, all is their own rights on how to spend their energy, the energy that should be used to live their OWN life. I’ve been through this, but now I know I take the right decision.
Happy Fulfilling New Year 1930!