Having a dispute with sister is not a comfortable feelings, at all. There’s this feeling to clear things in the way, but the ego is just won’t give up. A simple matter can cause years of ignorance. Time heals, or so they said. Though every relationships has its own ups and downs, sisterhood is something close to women’s being. A sister is a friend for life, source of energy. I want to share the letter I wrote to my sister when we had a big big fight and feeling akwards after that. Thanks God time does heal and most of all, the power of let go is doing a great job (again)..
For a couple of days, I thought about you with sad, anger, and hurt.
But then I dream about you almost everyday, always a nice and fulfilling dream.
By then I realized I missed you so very much.
I wish there’s a ‘logic’ explanation to clear up things about that day.
I never did by purpose have a will to disrespect you.
I never did ever thought to be dishonest to you.
I never did mean to throw harsh words to you.
I know there’s a lot of useless thoughts in me, but to do you harm…never.
I checked on my inbox, hoping there’ll be one of those silly e-mail from you or Bouba.
But didn’t find one.
I try to compose one, but worried I might convey the wrong message.
I rehearse in my head over and over again- the day we will meet again.
But still too worried you might just too upset to see me.
I am sorry to make you upset.
I am sorry for my hysterical behavior.
I am sorry for my harsh words.
I wish I can explain how I’ll never want to disappoint you in anything, in any aspect of my life.
You are my fire-starter, no doubt about it.
I want to spend all those happy and silly moments again, as well as the tough and long discussions when you try to put me back ‘on the right track’.
I feared I might lose this sisterhood.
Who knows I might just a kind of a slow-growth person and can’t catch up with you.
I feared you might just lose your appetite to have me as your little sister.
I know this is office hour and I’m not doing office things, very unprofessional.
I know I strife every word I type, my eyes swollen, I looked very unprofessional also.
But I can’t keep it, I just have to write you this.
As honest and desperate as I am, please be my ‘as usual’ big sister again..